Friday, September 14, 2012

What a roller coaster

Whew - it's been quite a ride these last few months.  Still letting the dust settle.
To kinda bring ya up to speed... let's see here - earlier this year, my heart was crushed in a million pieces (unbeknownst to the guy of course), knee surgery, another broken heart with another dude (hmmm, some pattern might be forming here...) and now I've been 'terminated' aka fired from my beloved pediatric job.

To say the least, my life has been turned upside down... however, I remain hopeful and have this odd sense of peace within myself.  Granted, I've been broken in more than one way (physically, emotionally and now financially) - I still find this light at the end of the tunnel.  This of course didn't stop the tears from running down my face when I said bye to my co-workers as I had to go clean out my locker or completely having a melt down once I hung up the phone after the 'oh, so good news'...

The mere fact of facing life full on without myself fully intact has been quite challenging.  The greatest gift that I'm thankful for is that I still have my faith and I'm standing in that.  I'm standing.  My weakness is Jesus' greatest strength.  This is a very humbling thought.  Sure, it sounds great when other people have been down a hard road, but it wasn't until I started walking down this hard road that this saying has really hit home.  My friends and family have been very supportive and amazing.  They continually point me to Christ.  :)

In adversity, Jesus can really mold you/break you down in order to rebuild you into His image.  I can only hope that I continue to be a light and inspiration to those around me.  This doesn't mean that I'm always happy or chipper or always having a smile on my face.  What it does mean is that even when things seem hard, I have hope in the things to come and more importantly, I remain true to Christ.  I want to be real and transparent to those around me.

Times are hard - I don't know what the next few weeks or months will bring.  It'll be a rough road, but I'm pressing through each day - taking one day at a time.  Trusting Jesus is some serious stuff.  Running into his arms is sometimes the opposite thing I want to do.  I know right now that the one thing I really need to do now is not only run into His arms but immerse myself with His love, grace and mercy - and trust Him completely and whole-heartedly.  Here goes nothing - or should I say - here goes everything.