Monday, June 4, 2012

Finding my first Love

Perhaps my focus is beginning to change because my heart is being more formed into His.  However, it's crazy how from one extreme to the next I can quickly wonder to. I've heard from my married friends - enjoy what you've got while you got you're own time.  Perhaps that's where I've been going wrong... thinking that what time I've got is actually mine.  I want to live as if it isn't my time but His time - allowing Jesus to live through me.  Maybe that's what they're talking about because 9 times out 10, one of the next statements would be something along the lines of: once you settle down, your priorities change and time is zapped away (ok, maybe it's not really said like that).  I agree, yes, it will change because now there are two (and maybe a few little ones here and there) and not one.  More communication is needed.  Hmmm - I can't help but think maybe Paul had it pretty good...

Yet, I'm consumed by wanting to find a husband.  My priorities have been skewed... Now it's time to get back on track and be full throttle for God.  Here's a picture/scenario that keeps popping in my mind that I'd like to describe:

I'm running around with something in my hands, cupped tightly - running here and there, to and fro - searching for a spot to place this object in my hands. Not just any object, this object is precious and represents me in every way.  Running up to completely strange men, searching them all over but not finding the shape that is needed for this object.  I keep searching and then in a single instance, I turn and there He is looking at me with such love and compassion and with open arms. I stand there in front of him speechless, in awe, yet feeling ashamed because I've been searching elsewhere. He reaches out and cups my hands with his and brings them into his chest. I'm hesitant to let go of this object but I'm so overcome with joy, love and mercy that I trust Him.  While all this is going on, I can't look anywhere except down. But as I let go, I look up and it's the perfect fit - a hollowed out shape that fits exactly my shape.  Fear and joy run through me.  Joy because now I know I'm done searching; Fear because I'm done searching, now what? My first love has been found - Jesus. Here I am - search me, mend me, keep me, mold me, know me.  I am yours. I surrender and run joyfully into your arms.

No comments:

Post a Comment